Resorted to the Fact

I've come to the conclusion that my life will be constant battles.

I can foresee that once I move out.. I'll be battling with 'why don't you come back home' to 'why aren't you going to church' to 'why don't you bring Dan over' and the list goes on. And only that is coming from my parents... I'll probably hear some things from my sisters too.

I'm finally ready to stand up. I'm not saying that I'll be strong all the time. I'll have my emotional and mental breakdowns... but I always see the end goal and that's what I want to attain.

Yesterday when I was leaving Dan's house... I felt so hopeless about our relationship and I didn't want to be at work. I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate. I had to double check everything because I was worried another mistake might get through. Towards the end of the nite, I wanted to call him up...and I found a message from him: "I still love you. Glad you had a good conversation with your sisters". When I called him up he told me "We'll muddle through this". Those were the exact words that I needed to hear.

There are alot of differences between guys and girls.

1st example conversation
Girl: I don't want to go
Boy: alright.

-Boy is fine with his girl not going..his girl can come if she wants. Of course, in the back of the girls head even though she got out of not going....she's still wondering 'how come he didn't try to persuade me to come?'..'why doesn't he want me to come?' (Sidenote: there are girls that don't always think this way...but there are a good percentage out there)

2nd example conversation
Boy: I don't want to go
Girl: Why not? Just come with me please
Boy: I just don't

-Boy ends up having to go to appease the girl. (Sidenote: Although there are times when the boy isn't forced to go... but in the back of his head he's going "hm. I wonder if I'm going to be in the doghouse when she gets back?")


Life is full of compromises. There are battles worth fighting over and others that aren't worth fighting over. I pick the ones that are important to me. I know who I am... that's why I'm really excited if I get this apartment. I know who I want to wake up next to, grow old with, have a nice simple life with.

Update: While in the shower, I was thinking... it's funny how it's just NOW that my sisters want to take interest into my personal life. I was wondering why didn't they do this a long time ago? I shouldn't be putting some of the blame on me for not opening up and sharing with them...when they haven't really done the same for me. Like I don't know intimate details of their relationship with their husbands.. so why be so curious about mine? They never asked.. so why ask now? And the same thing goes for my parents.

Maybe I always wanted that type of relationship with my family... but maybe the type that I always wanted (sharing and being open)... isn't the right one for me. I dunno. That's something to think about... hence I had to write it down before I forget this point.