Nonsensical Sentences
Funny. The last time 'issues' were brought up.. I mentioned to Dan that we need to go to therapy together... mainly for his 'commitment' problems.. and now after this issue comes up... I feel like I should go to therapy for my 'family' problems. Strange isn't it? Dan got through his commitment problem yet my problem still remains.
I just want to call Dan up and tell him things will change and I won't put my family's opinions before our own. But it'll be useless for me to tell him that when there's no actions to back up the words. Like he said... I can say 'I want to make this work' as many times as I can... but that's not going to do anything.
I ran around this afternoon looking at apartments... well, mostly calling places and having them not call me back. Bastards. There's one place up by the Glendale Galleria... looks really nice outside but $1250 for a 1 bedroom. There's another place right across the street from work... a studio is $1050 (won't be available until next month) and a 1 bedroom is $1335 (ouch!..but won't be open 'til June). I like the whole look of it... every time we went by it on our way to lunch... there's such character around this place... but I have to say there wouldn't be much security around it when I get home at nite. Close to work but lacks security especially with the weirdos who come out of the strip club. Then tonite since it was slow I looked at actually buying a 1 or 2 bedroom condo... it's amazing how I could maybe afford a $200K-300K. and my mortgage might be $1200. Yea. Me looking at condos... when I was so deadset against it.
I wanted to call up Dan to get that Sherman Oaks realtors name and number... but I'm trying to refrain from talking to him just for the moment. And it sucks that if I want to buy something I want him right there next to me. I still picture US buying something together and making it our own. When I drove around looking for apartments... I went around his neighborhood and then had to turn around cuz it would seem like I was a weirdo or a stalker. I dunno. I just remember when I was looking for apartments last time... He and I called a couple of places near his place. And this time around.. I just found myself in the same area. *sigh*. Maybe I'll actually try to go in to see that Glendale apartment tomorrow....I didn't want to see it today because my rent limit was $1K. But after using Dan's nifty Budget Spreadsheet... I just added 'housing' expenses and instead of potentially saving~$3500 (by still staying at home)..I would save up to ~$2000 (by moving out).
This is off tangent...but I gotta get this piggy bank at one point:
Since last nite I've been trying to form how I'll do my mental vomit on my dad. I reread my email to my sisters...and hmm.. I think I should have reread it a few more times before I sent it off. My email had a faint smell of spitefullness in it which wasn't my intentions...although I was angry and hurt when writing it. Still haven't heard from either one of them yet... and frankly when I check my email I'm more hoping to get an email from Dan rather than them. Don't know why I should expect an email from him when I'm the one at fault. I guess I just want some acknowledgement that he's still there.. still supportive of me.. still loving me.. still wants to be with me.
ohboy. I just need to figure out a way to voice how I feel without being disrespectful to my dad. I'm going to have to steal a few of Dan's words of 'I respect your opinion but ...(fill in the blank)'. That's what I want to accomplish tomorrow.. having an adult conversation with my dad. I have to let him know that I have to move out. This isn't Vietnam where the unmarried vietnamese girl has to remain underneath her parents house. Yes, I'm vietnamese but moving out and trying to stand on my own feet doesn't make me less vietnamese. Although.. I really don't speak vietnamese and I don't really know how to cook vietnamese food.. uhhh. blabbering right now. I have to convince him that this idea is something good for me.
Geez. I feel like I should have gone through what feels like a freakin' 'teenage' rebellion phase a long time ago. That's the asian culture for you. We develop so slow. I've always been a slow developper.. had my 'party' phase late in life. Dated later than other ppl. And now trying to start to act like an adult when I'm about to turn 30. Man. Being a first generation Asian-American is tough. My freakin' kids are going to have it so much easier. gggrrrr.
In the back of my head, I really wonder if Dan really had a ring and was going to propose this past Sunday. The 'wise' one said he told me that because he was hurting and in some way said those words to hurt me back. I gotta admit that him saying that really put a dagger to my heart. Yeup. If that was the purpose of his words, mission was accomplished. It's like saying "we're through. that's it! You see this...well, you're never going to get it. This is the end of the line". But, I deserve it. But I hope that's not what he meant by it. I hope it was more anger and him being hurt that made him say he was going to propose. I have a glimmer that things will work out. I just hope his faint flame isn't about to blow out. I think I need one more chance. I hope he feels I need at least one more chance too.
I just want to call Dan up and tell him things will change and I won't put my family's opinions before our own. But it'll be useless for me to tell him that when there's no actions to back up the words. Like he said... I can say 'I want to make this work' as many times as I can... but that's not going to do anything.
I ran around this afternoon looking at apartments... well, mostly calling places and having them not call me back. Bastards. There's one place up by the Glendale Galleria... looks really nice outside but $1250 for a 1 bedroom. There's another place right across the street from work... a studio is $1050 (won't be available until next month) and a 1 bedroom is $1335 (ouch!..but won't be open 'til June). I like the whole look of it... every time we went by it on our way to lunch... there's such character around this place... but I have to say there wouldn't be much security around it when I get home at nite. Close to work but lacks security especially with the weirdos who come out of the strip club. Then tonite since it was slow I looked at actually buying a 1 or 2 bedroom condo... it's amazing how I could maybe afford a $200K-300K. and my mortgage might be $1200. Yea. Me looking at condos... when I was so deadset against it.
I wanted to call up Dan to get that Sherman Oaks realtors name and number... but I'm trying to refrain from talking to him just for the moment. And it sucks that if I want to buy something I want him right there next to me. I still picture US buying something together and making it our own. When I drove around looking for apartments... I went around his neighborhood and then had to turn around cuz it would seem like I was a weirdo or a stalker. I dunno. I just remember when I was looking for apartments last time... He and I called a couple of places near his place. And this time around.. I just found myself in the same area. *sigh*. Maybe I'll actually try to go in to see that Glendale apartment tomorrow....I didn't want to see it today because my rent limit was $1K. But after using Dan's nifty Budget Spreadsheet... I just added 'housing' expenses and instead of potentially saving~$3500 (by still staying at home)..I would save up to ~$2000 (by moving out).
This is off tangent...but I gotta get this piggy bank at one point:
Since last nite I've been trying to form how I'll do my mental vomit on my dad. I reread my email to my sisters...and hmm.. I think I should have reread it a few more times before I sent it off. My email had a faint smell of spitefullness in it which wasn't my intentions...although I was angry and hurt when writing it. Still haven't heard from either one of them yet... and frankly when I check my email I'm more hoping to get an email from Dan rather than them. Don't know why I should expect an email from him when I'm the one at fault. I guess I just want some acknowledgement that he's still there.. still supportive of me.. still loving me.. still wants to be with me.
ohboy. I just need to figure out a way to voice how I feel without being disrespectful to my dad. I'm going to have to steal a few of Dan's words of 'I respect your opinion but ...(fill in the blank)'. That's what I want to accomplish tomorrow.. having an adult conversation with my dad. I have to let him know that I have to move out. This isn't Vietnam where the unmarried vietnamese girl has to remain underneath her parents house. Yes, I'm vietnamese but moving out and trying to stand on my own feet doesn't make me less vietnamese. Although.. I really don't speak vietnamese and I don't really know how to cook vietnamese food.. uhhh. blabbering right now. I have to convince him that this idea is something good for me.
Geez. I feel like I should have gone through what feels like a freakin' 'teenage' rebellion phase a long time ago. That's the asian culture for you. We develop so slow. I've always been a slow developper.. had my 'party' phase late in life. Dated later than other ppl. And now trying to start to act like an adult when I'm about to turn 30. Man. Being a first generation Asian-American is tough. My freakin' kids are going to have it so much easier. gggrrrr.
In the back of my head, I really wonder if Dan really had a ring and was going to propose this past Sunday. The 'wise' one said he told me that because he was hurting and in some way said those words to hurt me back. I gotta admit that him saying that really put a dagger to my heart. Yeup. If that was the purpose of his words, mission was accomplished. It's like saying "we're through. that's it! You see this...well, you're never going to get it. This is the end of the line". But, I deserve it. But I hope that's not what he meant by it. I hope it was more anger and him being hurt that made him say he was going to propose. I have a glimmer that things will work out. I just hope his faint flame isn't about to blow out. I think I need one more chance. I hope he feels I need at least one more chance too.
posted by Lu at 12:55 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home