Square One

I really never could picture myself going through the process of getting engaged or married. But, then again.. 10 years ago.. I could never picture myself going off to pharmacy school or working where I'm working now.

It's funny how when you're younger there's a point where you CAN picture your future. Like I knew I was going to graduate HS.. I knew I was going to go off to a great college. Things like that you just KNOW.

After that point.. it's just a blur.

I was a bit shocked to know that Dan was going through the process of buying a ring. That must have be nerve racking and exciting for him. Definitely something he wouldn't have pictured himself doing 5 years ago..

But the thing was shocking....I thought I messed up for sure a few weeks ago..with the whole house fiasco. But, things went well after that.. I think he's a bit more comfortable with my family. And that's what matters. Although we had an argument last nite about 'family compatibily'. It's an issue with him.. and though I see some problems... I think things should be fine. We.. or at least I know that although I'll listen to what my family says and I'll also listen to what Dan's family says.. the ultimate decision goes to what Dan and I think is right.

I know Dan gets those constant lectures about how he should know the vietnamese culture. It is irritating to get lectures on that especially when it's coming from my family. I really don't know how to deal with this.

Anyways.. seeing Dan fling 8,000 bucks onto the bed.. was kinda a weird feeling. And then for him to say... I was going to propose... but I think I'll wait. It was a strange feeling.

I know if Dan ever proposes to me .. I'll definitely say 'yes'. But when he said '...i'm going to wait'. I just had to tell him I'm scared. Not scared of him proposing... but kinda scared at why he wants to wait. (of course, deep down I know it's best to wait... at least for a lil bit)

And his whole reasoning was because after talking to my sister and stuff.. it's best that he just slow down. I take that reason... but me.. I always think there's something else too. And knowing me.. I think there's another girl. I get mad at myself for thinking things like that. It's crazy. For the year plus that I've been back.. Dan has never given me the reason to believe he would cheat. I know he loves me dearly. I just get that buzzkill. I dunno. I always think that something good will go bad at one point. And maybe my thinking should change.. cuz I just jump to the wrong conclusions... hence, the big argument with him last nite over something so stupid... oy.

So again back to square one.

I hope I don't mess up this one. It may be the last straw.