No Happy Mother's Day For Me
I haven't felt so prodded in my entire life. But I'll probably have to get used to it from this point on. Last Thursday, I went in for my annual exam with my general practitioner. I am actually glad that she's my doctor. She takes time to talk with me and I feel that she's very interested in my health and this baby making process is going. She asked about how prepared D and I would be with twins. I kinda was taken aback. But she just explained that clomid has that chance. I just said I would be happy with anything and that D actually wants to have twins.
Then the next day I had another ultrasound with the RE. She had called earlier in the weak to let me know that my progesterone level was 30 which was great...she wanted it to be above 15. And then since I should be having my period soon.. that I should come in for an ultrasound. So, she took another look... she, of course, found two more cysts on my right ovary..but my left was clear. She measured my endometrium lining and said it was good at 11. And then she told me to take a pregnancy test on Monday. Although I didn't like hearing about the cysts, I still left there feeling good and hopeful.
I was hesitant about taking a pregnancy test. In the back of my head, I could already see 'Not Pregnant' show up on the result screen. So, I actually decided to take my basal temperature...I can pretty much tell if I'm going to have my period with that.
Monday comes along and my temp dropped. No period that day. ok...
Tuesday comes along and my temp drops again. oh oh...
I had an acupunturist appointment on Tuesday and told her about my disappointment and knowing that I should get my period soon. But she looked at my tongue and felt my pulse and said to keep thinking positive.
Well.. Wednesday comes along and its at the same temp as Tuesday! What am I supposed to do with that?! Welp... period comes later on in the morning. *SIGH*
Disappointment comes over me.
More frustration and heartache comes over me when my PCP calls me and tells me that my PAP smear came out abnormal with atypical glandular cells. She told me that I may need to do a couple of tests.
Why is this happening to me? Why is everything so hard for us? Is there a lil black cloud above us? I am so scared and sad and uncertain about everything. *crying*
Then the next day I had another ultrasound with the RE. She had called earlier in the weak to let me know that my progesterone level was 30 which was great...she wanted it to be above 15. And then since I should be having my period soon.. that I should come in for an ultrasound. So, she took another look... she, of course, found two more cysts on my right ovary..but my left was clear. She measured my endometrium lining and said it was good at 11. And then she told me to take a pregnancy test on Monday. Although I didn't like hearing about the cysts, I still left there feeling good and hopeful.
I was hesitant about taking a pregnancy test. In the back of my head, I could already see 'Not Pregnant' show up on the result screen. So, I actually decided to take my basal temperature...I can pretty much tell if I'm going to have my period with that.
Monday comes along and my temp dropped. No period that day. ok...
Tuesday comes along and my temp drops again. oh oh...
I had an acupunturist appointment on Tuesday and told her about my disappointment and knowing that I should get my period soon. But she looked at my tongue and felt my pulse and said to keep thinking positive.
Well.. Wednesday comes along and its at the same temp as Tuesday! What am I supposed to do with that?! Welp... period comes later on in the morning. *SIGH*
Disappointment comes over me.
More frustration and heartache comes over me when my PCP calls me and tells me that my PAP smear came out abnormal with atypical glandular cells. She told me that I may need to do a couple of tests.
Why is this happening to me? Why is everything so hard for us? Is there a lil black cloud above us? I am so scared and sad and uncertain about everything. *crying*
posted by Lu at 8:05 AM
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