Emotional Rollercoaster
Ever since having the baby (probably even during my pregnancy), I've been such an emotional wreck. I don't think I've been the kind of person to cry at the drop of a button or even cry when those animal abuse commercials come on with the Sarah Maclauchlan song. Now, I just cry at everything.
When baby came home, I definitely feeding off plenty of hormones. From arguing with my mom..from questioning my choices for the baby..from trying to get used to being a 'mom'.
Because I use my phone so much to track when the baby poops, eats, sleeps, and my pumping.. my background was a picture of D & I while I was pregnant... I had to change that picture pronto because it reminded me of the great time I had while pregnant. I miss the whole thing. I changed it to a picture of the baby's hand... it was to remind me of what my life now is all about and being grateful for having this lil guy... we worked hard to get him into this world.
A few weeks ago when my sister and niece babysat for us so D and I could have a date nite. At the end of the dinner, I started tearing up. I think it was partly because the life we used to know was gone..I was feeling overwhelmed at how my life and role has changed..and I was a bit mad that D was watching the TV and not paying attention to me.
Then last night.. the same thing. D and I were having dinner and at the end of the dinner.. I started tearing up again. Again it was the thought that life was never how it was going to be before. Not to say that I regret having the lil guy...now there are moments that I cherish.. there are times when I'm proud.. sometimes I even think that I got the knack of knowing his needs.
But, I miss just being able to leave the house and the moments thought of it. Now, I can't just go quickly in and out of a place.... Now I have to plan things.. I have to mentally prepare and plan.
I know its going to get better... it has gotten alot better.
I've started planning things in my head that I want us to do and outings that I want to take the lil guy on. baby steps..
When baby came home, I definitely feeding off plenty of hormones. From arguing with my mom..from questioning my choices for the baby..from trying to get used to being a 'mom'.
Because I use my phone so much to track when the baby poops, eats, sleeps, and my pumping.. my background was a picture of D & I while I was pregnant... I had to change that picture pronto because it reminded me of the great time I had while pregnant. I miss the whole thing. I changed it to a picture of the baby's hand... it was to remind me of what my life now is all about and being grateful for having this lil guy... we worked hard to get him into this world.
A few weeks ago when my sister and niece babysat for us so D and I could have a date nite. At the end of the dinner, I started tearing up. I think it was partly because the life we used to know was gone..I was feeling overwhelmed at how my life and role has changed..and I was a bit mad that D was watching the TV and not paying attention to me.
Then last night.. the same thing. D and I were having dinner and at the end of the dinner.. I started tearing up again. Again it was the thought that life was never how it was going to be before. Not to say that I regret having the lil guy...now there are moments that I cherish.. there are times when I'm proud.. sometimes I even think that I got the knack of knowing his needs.
But, I miss just being able to leave the house and the moments thought of it. Now, I can't just go quickly in and out of a place.... Now I have to plan things.. I have to mentally prepare and plan.
I know its going to get better... it has gotten alot better.
I've started planning things in my head that I want us to do and outings that I want to take the lil guy on. baby steps..
posted by Lu at 3:04 PM
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