exhausted

my body is physically so tired but my mind is still fuckin' restless.

Before I left my car.. these were the lyrics i heard:

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel.

The last conversations I had with Dan. That's how I felt. What could I say...would it matter.. would it change how he felt?

What I need is some patience. Even though it seems like a whole lifetime... it's only been two months since I moved out. To deal with moving out and then telling my parents I got engaged.. like I know that's nothing to some ppl... but in my world and where I come from.. I got to be given some credit. Two months hasn't been long. To figure out new ways to communicate with my parents... it's a hard challenge. I'll have setbacks...that's a given. But, I keep trying to fight on.

Like with this case, I could so easily just say fuck it. Start from scratch with a brand new relationship. Have nothing change with how I deal with my family. I could so easily find another guy.

But there's something special here. Like of course, there's something scary with throwing away a relationship that's gone over five years. Starting new is scary. But that's just not the whole reason.

So tired that I don't think i make much sense anymore.