Unwanted

so i have this weird sense of not being wanted.

I called yesterday afternoon to let my parents know that I'll be spending the weekend at home. Ba said that Lan-Anh was sick and he might be babysitting her. In the tone of his voice, it sounded like don't bother coming because no one will be home.... but since I have an appointment to see my therapist in the morning... I just told him well whether you're there or not.. I'll still come home.

I called Me up also to let her know I would be coming home. Her tone of voice was about the same.. no tone of excitement or happiness. Nothing.

ok...

I came home and it felt a bit weird. Like I went through the motions of grabbing for the car garage remote control... and remembered that I don't have it anymore. I gave that back when I moved out. I was lugging laundry home like I did when I was away at college.

So the kicker is when I put my stuff down in my room. The one thing I noticed was a frame that was faced down on my desk. I went over to look at it. It was my pharmacy graduation picture. They moved it from being shown in the kitchen/family room to hidden inside of my room. What's that all about? What does that mean? Kinda hurtful.

I had all this anger and hurt being built up inside as I brushed my teeth. I had thoughts of 'am I not wanted anymore?' And then I thought about the time when the church was having some family portait day. I couldn't make it because I had to go off to work or something else... so the rest of the family got their pictures taken. It's like no one thought of doing the whole session again WITH me in the portrait. I dunno.

I remember either Nga or Huong saying something about Danh... something like how the feeling without him around is alot better and comfortable than when he is around. Like he added nothing positive when he came home. I get that feeling. And it totally sucks. And its not like this is a new feeling since I moved out. It's the same feeling even when I was in the house.